You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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