Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
