the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
