I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
