I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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