Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
