I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
