he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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