just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
