I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
