I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
