how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
