just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize