If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
