Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
