Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
