For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
