is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize