Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
