You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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