hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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