Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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