I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
