actually, I'm a sock model
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
