This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
