i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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