i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
