If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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