look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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