trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
