the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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