I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
