It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize