sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
