my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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