You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
