we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize