Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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