someone threw a dead crab at me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
