Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
