Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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