Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will be naked everywhere
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
