It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
