Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
