Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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