what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
