I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When are your genitals available?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
