She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize