If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
