I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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