I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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