This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
