Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
