were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
