and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We got so high we made milksteak
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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