I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
