saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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