Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
