I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
