I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
