Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
