Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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