just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
