I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
