SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
