could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
