Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
