1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
