I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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