Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
